Issa Rae is my spirit animal!

I caught on to Issa Rae and her Awkward Black Girl web series 3 years ago at someone’s suggestion. I was hooked by the episode when she awkwardly makes friends with her co worker after trying to avoid her in the hallway about 3 times. That story read like a chapter from my life.
As outgoing as I am; I am awkward as fuck when it comes to meeting new people I’ve never talked to before. Can you imagine what my dating life is like? Just like Issa’s post breakup experience I thought dating after my divorce would be easy.
Nope! It goes like most of Issa and Molly’s experiences on her HBO show Insecure.

Constantly swiping right to go on dates that you know will go nowhere because the guy’s focus is your boobs and not what you have to say. Yup, that’s me! Sometimes I want to  slap them silly for wasting my time and perfectly good makeup and outfit.
Sitting at a bar trying to work up the nerve to talk to someone you see that looks interesting but wondering why he’s eyeballing you and not approaching ? Story of my life!

Planning in detail scenarios where you meet up with your ex or run into your ex and you hope he realizes the mistake of his decision and confesses he can’t live without you? Been there done that!
At first I thought I was unique with the elaborate plans than goes down in my head before I meet someone. Or the pep talks I give myself much like Issa’s rapping to hype myself up if I know I’m going to see someone I am crushing on or still have feelings for.

With every new episode of Insecure I’m comforted to know I’m  not alone in my awkwardness.

With much humor and wit, Issa taps into issues that every woman faces but moreso, women of color. Dating, singleness, gender wage gap, being used for sex, constantly dating guys who can’t commit and the list goes on.

I can’t tell how many times I’ve done self examinations like Issa and blame myself for relationships going sour, or how many times I’ve convinced myself my pussy is broken like Molly’s.
It is so damn refreshing to see someone on TV that gets me, gets my life and is much realer than the farce of these reality shows that portray black women in one light only.

The truth is, there are a lot of us who are like Issa’s character; beautiful and broken and hoping to find someone who will love and accept us with all those flaws and has no time to play games and just wants to sit on a couch and eat ice cream and say nothing to each other because we’re just happy in each other’s presence.
Like Issa I’ve been using one ex as a measuring stick for every guy I meet; I’ve tried lowering my standards but that didn’t work out. The truth is, we shouldn’t have to lower our standards.
I want intellectual conversations, dinner parties, movie dates, unplanned experiences, visits to galleries, fun times, talks about everything and nothing and earth shattering,mind numbing sex. I want it ALL.
If wanting that makes me awkward, it’s a title I’ll gladly accept.