I Remember!

I remember my struggles and my successes, because there is a lesson to be learned in everything.

I remember what it’s like to be loved by my lover just the same as I remember what it’s like to have someone who promised to have and to hold in sickness and in health, punch you in the face until you’re stunned into awareness enough to fight them off.

I remember being told I’m not good enough, not pretty enough to be on TV but yet there I was, buck teeth and all hosting one of the most popular morning TV shows.

I remember being told how inadequate I was as a marketer and that I would never know what success was, I remember.

I remember being judged for leaving my marriage, but not as much as I was judged for leaving my son to pursue my studies. Both friends and family, without saying made me know how terrible they thought the idea was.

I remember not being able to sleep for months because a horrible five minute experience would become an entire film that replayed over and over in my dreams.

I remember having my name dragged in the public domain and me not being present to speak for myself. I remember having to see a therapist so I can deal with all that shit.

I remember losing friends because I dared to speak my mind. I remember the betrayal of friends and acquaintances alike. I remember people making assumptions about me and treating me differently because they thought I was too blessed or got too much favor without seeing the trials I endured and prayers I sent up to get those blessings.

Remembering these hurts reminds me of how strong I am. They remind me of what I’ve had to overcome to get to where I am. These memories are a reminder to myself that I am not defined by my past, I’m not defined by my experiences and the bullshit I’ve endured in this life.

No, these memories serve as a roadmap to life. I know what I’m willing to accept in friendships and relationships. I know how to look for warning signs in people both in my professional and personal relationships. I know the situations I should stay clear of and how to survive with my dignity still intact.

If you see me with my head held high in confidence it’s because I’ve endured a lot and I know my worth. I’ve earned my stripes, and these memories, they’re my trophies to show I survived.

So don’t judge a book by it’s cover, don’t assume you know anything about anyone and above all, forgive. Because even though I remember these hurts, I have also forgiven those who hurt me. Remembering ensures I never have the same experience twice.