Loving Day

Growing up in Guyana I went to school with at least one or two “dougla” boys or girls from nursery to university. For the non Guyanese, a dougla is someone who is of mixed race and in Guyana it’s usually children born to Indian and Afro Guyanese parents. It wasn’t a big deal when I was growing up, you just knew they had curly hair and really it wasn’t until I was in my teenage years that I found out this meant their parents were different races. When I was at university in Guyana I dated a beautiful Indian guy who made me some delicious duck curry. This still wasn’t a big deal among my friends. In Guyana we coexist making lovely dougla babies and other mixed race children. Matter of fact, we only acknowledge we are not of the same race when politicians point it out during elections time but that’s another story for another blog post. The point is, in my opinion, racism in the context of how it exists here in the United States does not exist in Guyana so I’ve never really had to talk about the subject of interracial marriage until now.

Sometime ago someone shared with me a photo series done by a journalist who interviewed interracial couples. The journalist took photographs of interracial couples and wrote their stories about how family, friends and the general public reacts to their love. I remember smiling as I read at how beautiful these humans were and I remembered also feeling anger. I was angry at the fact that we live in a world where someone needed to add a humanness to these couples and their relationship to show they are regular people and explain why this type of relationship should be seen as normal and accepted.

Acceptance, that’s what everyone wants. Not so long ago in these United States it was unacceptable and illegal for these relationships to exist. Today is “Loving Day” and we acknowledge that a Supreme Court ruled in 1967 to strike down laws in several states that banned interracial marriage. The decision was sparked by Loving v. Virginia, a court case involving Richard and Mildred Loving, an interracial couple from Virginia who married in 1958. Upon returning home after their wedding, they were arrested. How ironic they were named Loving and it was illegal for them to love each other.

Can you imagine that it’s only been 52 years since it’s been legal to marry someone from another race? I started by talking about the stories in the photo series but here’s my own story. I believe that love is love and you should be free to date and marry whomever you choose, regardless of their color. I’ve dated men who look like me and some who did not. Dating them had nothing to do with the color of their skin and everything to do with what was in their heart and how they treated me. Like the people in the photo series I have my own experience of people reacting negatively to me dating interracially.

I recall once I was walking in a predominantly black neighborhood in New York with my (then) white boyfriend and a group of young black men had a problem with us walking out in public. We weren’t holding hands, we weren’t kissing, we were simply walking together. Perhaps the intimacy in which we strolled suggested we were a couple, who knows, they just didn’t like it. They followed us, calling me a black bitch for being with him and all forms of distasteful names. I had to remind my boyfriend it was many of them against two of us and we continued on our way, ignoring them. Sometimes they are aggressive like that, expressing loudly their obvious displeasure of seeing us and other times they’re subtle, like the experience I had at a dinner party where the predominantly white guests in attendance pretended they didn’t know I was there with my white partner. Sadly, this type of racism is exercised by anyone, even people of your own race.

It amazes me that as progressive as the world is, with all the advancements in technology, new species of animals and planets found daily and with all the problems we have in this world, that people still have the time to be annoyed at the sight of an interracial couple. Don’t we already have enough to think about?

Interracial couples are out here living their best lives and minding their own business, why can’t racist bigots do the same? Today is about love, and regardless of who you’re dating or married to I hope that you celebrate your love and the fact that the you have the opportunity to love and be loved by whomever you choose. #interracialdating #interracialmarriage #lovingday #loveislove #loveisbeautiful